My
Fairy Tale 
I’m sick of complaining about a beautiful life.
I am in a very happy place in my life. I have a good job. I have some stability. I have a great boyfriend. I have a beautiful dog. I have a beautiful life. I have been looking into my past lately. It’s somewhere you should never look back, but I did and I’m appreciative of it. At first, it was hurtful. I remembered the things I felt. I remembered how much I loved and hated. I remembered the sounds, the smells, and the laughter. I remembered the pain, the hurt, the insults and unhappiness. I remembered how I got here. I took a rocky road and not the good kind.
I climbed over mountains, strolled through meadows and waded through ponds. I arrived here. Scratched, pricked, and soggy. But I arrived here.
I have learned that in life, no matter how hard a battle is as long as I stay focused and keep my eyes on the road, I will make it through the rain. Now I am awakening from a lifetime of thunderstorms and realizing my true potential — this is my gift from God.
I have hated God. I have done things in spite of Him. I have rebelled. I have sworn. I have felt the hand, His hand, of glory. I have felt God in two very specific instances in my life. He has never abandoned me. He has never picked me up and carried me as they say in the Footprints poem. Instead, He walked along side me and held me up when times were tough. I pray more than ever and I thank God more than ever.
So, I’m going to pick up this rose and smell it. I’m going to enjoy life as it is now: peaceful, calm and content. Should I need to wade through muck and mire, I know He will be there.
I am very happy that I looked back at my life and became enlightened.
Okay, I’m lazy, tired and fat. Ugh.
I should’ve been doing some homework right now, but I am SO lazy. I have to get for school in about twenty minutes, don’t have the homework done and am just so damn lazy. I feel fat today.
Also, did I mention that I applied/interviewed for a store that’s opening in Chicago? I’m super excited about it, but I am also a little nervous too. I just wanted to check in and make sure you know/I know I’m not dead.
Toodles!
My new glasses came today!
Ohmygosh. Today I am having SUCH a great day! I woke up really early, did all my homework that was due today and for the rest of the week, watched my shows (Desperate Housewives & Once Upon a Time), got dressed, went shopping with my dog and came home to find my glasses had arrived!! I bought so many cute things today and got so much done and my glasses are SO cute! I only paid 30 bucks for them — I got them at Zenni Optical online
What a beautiful day. I think I’m going to take a nap until it’s time for class.
January 16, 2009
This year January 16th was a horrible day. I had a long shift, it went by slow, and I got pretty annoyed — oh and had to cram a TON of homework. (Speaking of, I need to do that today… Crap.) Anyway, I also began crying and I mean really crying and I couldn’t understand why. I had begun thinking of a day that started my two days of hell. Second by second, moment by moment — actions that will be permanently burned in my mind. I had forgotten the actual date, so maybe I am somewhere along the path of survivor-hood.
I was raped.
Three years ago, I was raped by a relative on the 16th and the 17th. I haven’t really wanted to post about it because I don’t want to turn this blog into a blog about what happened to me. However, it still happened and it’s still on my mind. I was told he would fix my car and help me out. When we got to the garage it became a game — just like when I was a kid. “What are you going to do for that battery?” is all I hear in my head. I wish like hell that I could get it out of there, but I can’t. I remember freezing. I remember staring straight ahead and zoning out — what was happening to me? On the way home, I cried. What the hell happened to me? That night I drank the second most I’ve ever drank in my life and was so drunk I had to practically be carried out and into bed. His bed. The next morning he did it to me again, when no one was home. I called my mom on the way home and all I wanted to do was tell her. I wanted to scream, “mom **** raped me!!!” I told her I had a fun time the night before with a friend at the bar. I don’t recall giving much detail. I know that I was quiet. I know that I was dying inside. When we hung up, I cried my entire drive.
I let down so many people, but mostly I let down myself. I still have a tremendous amount of guilt and self-hatred despite my two attempts at therapy. I wanted to find a way for justice, but for me that will never happen. I waited too long. I was just a target for this guy, he didn’t even care what he did. In fact, he went out of his way to send me text messages to remind me what happened and to rub it in my face that he “moved on” and thinks that’s what hurts me. What hurts me the most about it is the person he “moved on” to has two babies, one that she already had and one with HIM. It scares me to death and practically paralyzes me when I think about it — he is probably hurting the oldest little girl. I know he did it to his sister and I know he did it to me. (For the record, I was TOLD by his sister that “something” happened between them.)
I am not a very empathetic person. I have a hard time relating to people and I think it’s because of all the crap that has happened in my life, but nothing has ever made my heart so sad as thinking he will do this again. I have so many regrets. Why didn’t I tell someone sooner? He started “grooming” me when I was 14. Why didn’t I tell an adult? I knew right from wrong. He made me feel special, he made me think that I was beautiful and loved and he knew ALL the right things to say. Why didn’t one of my parents ask?? I know I dropped signs! Why did someone seven/eight years older want THIS from a kid? Why didn’t anyone protect me?
I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. January 16th, 2009 will forever be emblazoned in my mind forever.
Quite possibly the best week of my life.
I think it’s true. I think I am having the best week of my life!! I started my classes and while some of them seem kind of drab and like I’m going to fail, others are super exciting and I can’t wait to dive in! Also, I had a visitor who shall remain nameless that I love, love, LOVE to death and I’m going to see my baby niece today. I mean, really, does it get any better than this?
Well, except for the whole having food poisoning and visit from Aunt Flo. Yeah.
Now, the reason I’m posting this is because I just created my first program in visual basic. It turned out marvelously and I didn’t run into any problems!!! Ehehehe!! I have to go get ready to see my Patti Lou!!
Share a folk tale 
January 15, 2012: Daily Fables,Learning Quests
classes, ecstatic, happy, love, school, visual basic
Princess Angelica
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